RIP Beauty

This is Ebony Beauty Walker. She was my family dog from 1995 to 2009. Yesterday in fact, August 4, 2009 is the day my dog passed away. We always referred to her as Beauty.

I remember the day we got our beautiful Beauty. It was Christmas of 95, I was five years old. My grandparents had come down to our house for Christmas that year, and so we were sitting in the living room with them after we'd opened up all the presents and we were just enjoying our new things and each other's company. Both of my parents got up and went into another room at one point, and when they came back they were holding this little black bundle, all fur and shining black eyes (which proceeded to get browner and browner over the years) and she had a huge purple bow around her neck. Apparently, when I saw her, I looked at my parents with my big brown eyes and excitement all over my face and in my voice and I asked them "Can we keep her for real?" I also remember holding Beauty for the first time. I was wearing a full length, plaid/red Christmas nighty and when I was holding her, she peed all down my dress! Later that morning, after Beauty had become acquainted with everyone and was a little more comfortable in the house she decided it was play time. She went tearing all over the upstairs, and at one point she was running through the kitchen across the tyle floor and she peed then too and ended up sliding on her pee all the way across the floor. It was adorable.
That morning we decided that we wanted to call her Ebony, but the only thing she'd respond to was Beauty. Thus proving her stubbornness was always there; she got to choose her own name!
She was the most insane dog. She was always excited and ready for activity. She was a full on retreiver from the get-go! That dog could chase a ball for days on end! I don't know how we lasted so long without one of those plastic flinger-thingers for tennis balls. And nothing would stop her from chasing the damn ball either! There was a time, I'm not sure how it happened, but she managed to get herself pretty hurt one day, she sliced open the inside of one of her hind legs and it was a mess! There was a huge layer of skin flapping around and it didn't even phase her! She was just "Throw the ball! Throw the ball!" and we're standing there going, "No, Beauty, we have to take you to get stitches! Get in the car!" There were a few incidents that were kind of like that. There was one time actually, I think that it was in autumn one year, my dad and I took Beauty to a lake in our town and we were throwing a stick into the water for her. When Beauty was on the shore one time, the pitbull appeared out of no where, just absolutely booking it towards our dog and jumped on her, grabbing onto Beauty's neck and getting it's crazy lock jaw business going on. My dad had to pound on the pitbull's head to get it to let go, and it was insane and scary for me to watch this, and then there was Beauty, she never dropped the stick throughout this incident and she never stopped wagging her tail! What a hysterical animal.
When we got Beauty, we had a cat, his name was Shadow. And Shadow, he always kept Beauty in line. He used to get in her face if she was doing something that he didn't approve of, and even though I'm pretty sure they got along pretty well, Shadow made damn sure that Beauty knew who's house she was in. After we had to put Shadow down because he'd eaten some anti-freeze, we ended up getting another cat, and I thought, "Okay, now Beauty get's to be the boss", soon did I find out that no, our new cat, Elwyn, was definitely the new boss. She treated Beauty exactly the same way that Shadow did... well there may have been less cuddling with Shadow. Elwyn was such a little devil with Beauty though, she'd come up to her all sweet and be rubbing her head against Beauty's face and neck and then suddenly jump on and bat at Beauty's snout! Claws out! But, Beauty, being the gentle creature she is, never did anything but sit up to get out of Elwyn's reach.
In the past six months or so signs of age have definitely been showing up on Beauty, she started peeing herself and she was losing control of her hind legs. She was doing okay though, she really seemed fairly healthy until about three weeks ago when our town got hit with quite the heat wave and her eyes were very droopy, and her inner eyelid kept coming up. And she started peeing herself more and she really couldn't get herself from one place to another very easily. And she lost her appetite and urge to hydrate herself entirely. She was so skinny by the time she passed that I'd be pretty surprised if she weighed fifty pounds.
Yesterday, my brother and I had both seen her earlier in the day and both saw her alive, but we had an appointment for her to go to the vet at 3 30 and when I went down to put her in the car, I saw that she wasn't breathing. I immediately called for my brother, then ran towards her, saw that her eyes were open and then I ran to the other side of the room and started balling. My brother came over and hugged me, then we went over to her. I sat down on the floor and pet her. I just touched the side of head and could instantly tell that she was in rigamortis, she was completely stiff. She was also totally cold already. It was the most bizarre thing, I'd never been close to a dead mammal before, especially not close enough to touch it, and I knew that dead things get cold, but damn she'd only been dead for a couple of hours and she was really cold, like holding your hand just above a frozen chunk of meat. That's what she felt like. Her tongue was also sticking out, I could see that it was still wet, but it had changed to a dark, dark purple colour. As I was sitting next to her crying, I kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I don't even know what I was apologizing for. Maybe that we couldn't keep her healthier, maybe that she died alone, maybe I was just saying sorry that she'd died at all. And now the only way to describe how I felt then and still feel now, is just that it's weird.
Beauty has been part of my life for almost as long as I can remember, and now I have to look out at my big back yard where she's always been and know that she won't be there, and when we watch movies she won't be sitting by us wanting someone to pet her, and she won't be bothering people when we have outside dinners, and she won't be barking and panting and freaking out when there are people over or when there's thunder or fireworks, or when she's just being neurotic. I have to get used to all the silence. I'm gonna miss the frantic.
I love you Beauty, I'm gonna miss you girl.