Death is not something that scares me, but losing someone you love is never easy. Not having the option of going and seeing that person, whether you do see them regularily or not, is mind boggling. I've never lost anyone particularily close to me, but right now my grandpa has alzheimers. He was recently put into a home, and when my parents and I went to see him, he asked us, "Is this a prison?", to which we immediately said "no", he replied with, "Then why can't I leave?" It was so hard to see him look so helpless and confused.
I also have an uncle, on my mother's side, who has HIV/AIDS. He is extremely unhealthy. He has been loaded up on medications, which do help, but the problem is as soon as he starts to feel good, he drinks and eats whatever he wants, he parties and stops taking care of himself. He also has diabetes so he needs to be careful as it is, but he isn't and I so often fear for his life.
On my father's side, I have an aunt who has ovarian cancer, she has had it return numerous times. She hasn't had her ovaries for years now, but the cancer hasn't gone away. It is getting to the point where it's starting to seem that it's only a matter of time now.
I feel horrible that I don't know these three people better than I do, but as close as I could get to them when they're gone I'll only continue to feel horrible that I didn't know them better. I can only be happy for the time I have spent with them and be happy with the memories I have.
Death is an amazing, mysterious thing, but it is inevitably part of life. I personally, do not believe in God and therefore do not believe in Heaven, but if there ends up being something, anything, after this life, then I hope that these three people are happy.
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