Phil, Bill, and Anne

As of July 2008, there were 6,706,993,152 people in the world... I'm sure there are a couple more by now. But, at the same time, world wide, there are 153 thousand deaths per day, or 56 million per year.

Death is not something that scares me, but losing someone you love is never easy. Not having the option of going and seeing that person, whether you do see them regularily or not, is mind boggling. I've never lost anyone particularily close to me, but right now my grandpa has alzheimers. He was recently put into a home, and when my parents and I went to see him, he asked us, "Is this a prison?", to which we immediately said "no", he replied with, "Then why can't I leave?" It was so hard to see him look so helpless and confused.

I also have an uncle, on my mother's side, who has HIV/AIDS. He is extremely unhealthy. He has been loaded up on medications, which do help, but the problem is as soon as he starts to feel good, he drinks and eats whatever he wants, he parties and stops taking care of himself. He also has diabetes so he needs to be careful as it is, but he isn't and I so often fear for his life.

On my father's side, I have an aunt who has ovarian cancer, she has had it return numerous times. She hasn't had her ovaries for years now, but the cancer hasn't gone away. It is getting to the point where it's starting to seem that it's only a matter of time now.

I feel horrible that I don't know these three people better than I do, but as close as I could get to them when they're gone I'll only continue to feel horrible that I didn't know them better. I can only be happy for the time I have spent with them and be happy with the memories I have.

Death is an amazing, mysterious thing, but it is inevitably part of life. I personally, do not believe in God and therefore do not believe in Heaven, but if there ends up being something, anything, after this life, then I hope that these three people are happy.

Madam Life's a Piece in Bloom

This is not my poem... This was written by William Ernest Henley, who I have found to have some amazing and powerful poems. I just wanted to share it with the world, as something that I appreciate.

Madam Life's a piece in bloom
Death goes dogging everywhere:
She's the tenant of the room,
He's the ruffian on the stair.
You shall see her as a friend,
You shall bilk him once and twice;
But he'll trap you in the end,
And he'll stick you for her price.
With his kneebones at your chest,
And his knuckles in your throat,
You would reason--plead--protest!
Clutching at her petticoat;
But she's heard it all before,
Well she knows you've had your fun,
Gingerly she gains the door,
And your little job is done.

Female Genital Mutilation

WARNING: This post deals with very disturbing topics and the descriptions are graphic.

There are practices that often occur in Africa and India and I'm sure many other countries, and these practices have fallen under the title Female Genital Mutilation. There are four main procedures that occur, which I will talk about later. First, I believe that "dry sex" should also be called FGM. Many people think that dry sex is simply grinding against each other without actually having intercourse, but what dry sex really is, is women being forced to use herbal aphrodisiacs, household detergents and antiseptics to wipe out the vagina, or to place leaves in the vagina to minimize the amount of vaginal secretions. The point is to keep the female dry and tight to increase the male's pleasure during sex. This is often extremely painful for women and leaves the vagina swollen or peeling. How would you like to clean your vagina with antiseptics? Pretty horrific, if you ask me. Dry sex has also been found to have some connection with increasing the risk of HIV. I don't know how the increase would occur, but it does. Perhaps because of the tearing that occurs to the female; HIV being transferred though blood and all.
Now, back to those four main types of FGM. 1. This consists of slicing off only the clitoris. 2. The clitoris is amputated, and the labia minora are partially or totally removed. 3. The complete removal of the clitoris and labia minora, as well as the inner surface of the labia majora. The edges of the labia majora are brought together so that they will heal together; this leaves a small hood which covers the urethra and most of the vagina. This is called infibulation. If the hole left under the hood is not big enough for intercourse when the woman is married, the husband, or a close female relative of the husband, may cut the hood open. In places like Africa, this is sometimes done with any old knife that's lying around, if not a shard of glass. 4. Scraping of the skin around the vaginal opening and cuts from the vagina to the area in front of the anus (perineum). This is supposed to open the vagina for obstructed labour. This is also known as a "salt cut". It is done when a female experiences an "itching vulva, absence of menstruation, infertilty, obstructed labour, anaemia, malaria, and any condition that presents the symptoms of headache, oedema, fainting, or painful intercourse." All of these practices are highly dangerous and the level of suffering that these women go through is appalling and should just never occur. The simple and horrible fact of the matter is that these things occur because women are not in control of their own sexuality or bodies, and it has been left to men to make the decisions.
There are many things wrong in this life, but when I first came across this information it literally hurt me to read it. I was basically in tears and had to walk away from it numerous times before getting through it. I could never wish for something like this to happen to anyone, and I wonder how there are people who are so inhumane that they would actually be the one's to push this kind of abuse onto a female. No one deserves this kind of derision and suffering. To every person who has, would or will condone, promote or partake in such procedures, I hope you find misery and misfortune. And to all of the women who've endured such horrendous experiences, I'm sorry.

For Women and Those Who Respect Us

So, I'm quite a feminist. I am repulsed by people like Dick Masterson who believes that women are inferior beings who should only serve men and can't even be counted on to do that right. Well, he should be castrated, and preferably tortured... or just shot. Either is good for me, but people like him do not deserve life. He is a waste of skin.

Women, and girls, in today's society often seem to have it in their minds that their body is all that they have to offer the world, and that maintaining a good look is more important than maintaining a strong mind. I think that every single female on this earth should have the right to education and free will. No man should reserve to right to control anyone but their self. The world order is corrupt and patriarchy may not be the only reason for it, but no competent minded, rational human being can say that it hasn't contributed.

This poem is about women loving themselves for who they are and not just spreading their legs for any man who comes along.

-Dear Love-

You give them your body,
With no questions asked.
Well maybe just one:
“How much you got?”
Who taught you that
Money is all that you’re
Worth?
Your body is a temple!
Why don’t you cherish it?
Appreciate the perfection
Of the round of your breasts,
The beauty in the curve of your waist,
And the magic in the
Power of your mind.
Understand how lucky
Any man that has ever seen
Your smile is.
And tell those who come
Looking to cum
That they cannot afford you
Because Love, you are
Priceless!
It will take more than lust
To win you.
And don’t say no to this!
That, I forbid, because Love
You ARE too good for this,
You are so tender and divine.
Learn that you’re a goddess
And no man gets near,
Only a god.

Crazy Cliche Environmental Rant!

So, why is there so much damn corruption in this world? And why is, seemingly, everyone's opinion 'well, one person can't do anything about it, so why try?' I find that to be such a cop out for people who are just damn lazy! Guess what people? If all of those who use that ridiculous excuse got up off their asses and started fighting for something, don't you think that perhaps there would be quite a large group of people?! And there are people who are trying to make some sort of change for the good in this world and they need more support than they get. No, I am not the most pro active person around, in fact I'm pretty bad about these things, but I care about things that are going on in the world, and I refuse to partake in events that make me feel uncomfortable. I care about the deteriorating environment and Ozone layer, so when friends of mine tell me that they are going out into the bush to have a "tire-fire" I straight up let them know how fucking ridiculous and horrible I feel that that is. I've been to one in my life time; when I went out to a pit in the middle of no where to have a fire, I wasn't really aware that they would be piling all sorts of random tires that they found and pouring gasoline all over them and laughing when they explode and laughing at the enormous black clouds of smoke that went barrelling into the sky. I almost felt like crying for how much death and destruction that that act alone possibly caused. I couldn't even stay, the person I was with was having quite a bit of fun just being completely apathetic towards the cost that it would later have on the world. He even knew that it bothered me, and teased me by saying "look at that black smoke, isn't that awesome?!" well, No, it isn't fucking awesome, it's horrific, and I can't believe that I actually partook in such a repulsive action. And what really pisses me off is, that friend of mine will never give a shit because he'll be dead by the time the effects are really evident, which is more or less what he said to me, only in less intelligent terms. I hope he never reproduces because he won't care what happens to his children, or their offspring. A very large percentage of people don't seem to understand that sending toxic fumes and mass amounts of black smoke into the atmosphere might be why we have a dying Ozone layer and why there is more damage to our world and the surrounding space than people have ever known of. Sometimes I almost hope that humans wipe themselves out, just so that Earth has a chance at survival, but there is too much beauty and there are too many good people for me to really want such a thing. I just wish people would smarten the fuck up and REALLY start working towards a bettered world.

I believe that in all likelihood humans will, one day, kill themselves off, but I don't think it's fair to tear the Earth down with us. I am currently talking to a friend about the subject, and he brought up the point "No person has evolved enough to catch up to a speeding car by running, have we evolved enough socially/intellectually to do anything but postpone our demise?" Well, I highly doubt that we have. Or ever really will, unless something similar to "The Day the Earth Stood Still" happens, and half of the world is wiped out by micro-insects that devour everything in their path. And even then, I think we'd fight until we could force the "alien" beings to leave and then we'd go back to our old ways, with newspaper headings like "There was something in the world's water, don't worry about it". And obviously, the media would never lie to us! Which is probably why we're in the state we are, we had no real knowledge about what was going on in our world until it was too late, because the people who are supposed to keep us informed about the world's business are controlled by goverments. Hell, in China, one of the worst countries for air pollution, they have complete control over all media and entertainment. I wonder how hidden the nation's people are from how damaging their country is to the entire world? You'd think that walking outside and seeing a gray smog over every city would give them a clue, but humans can be pretty stupid.

I just researched something very interesting! and just says so much about propaganda! So, China is bad about air pollution. In 1999, carbon dioxide emission reached 18.57 million tons, air pollution emission reached 11.59 million tons and industrial dust emission reached 11.75 million tons. Pretty horrible huh? Well, in the United States between 1970 and 2006 carbon monoxide emissions fell from 197 million tons to 89 million tons, nitrogen oxide emissions fell from 27 million tons to 19 million tons, and sulfur dioxide emissions fell from 31 million tons to 15 million tons. So, even after a ridiculous amount of improvement, the US is still WAY worse than China. And yet, we so often hear about how horrible China is for these things. Oh, you gotta love propaganda! Perhaps the United States should start looking at themselves as harshly as at everyone else. I haven't even checked how bad Canada is, I'm a lil frightened to.

So, there it is, humans are pretty fucked all around. I hope we learn one day. (To those who really try to live good lives, are environmentally friendly and who put effort in to not being harmful to anyone or anything, this is not directed at you, please don't take my insults to humans as being directed towards you and I hope you've read the whole thing to get to this part)

The Summer Bucket List

There is something about a sunny spring day that just makes me feel good. It's no wonder to me that this is the time of year for new life. Flowers are popping up, animals are being born; every morning, I hear the distant chirping of hungry baby birds. Serenity and peace seem to be all around on a day like today. Where I live, the norm for weather is rain. But, sometimes we do get some absolutely gorgeous weather. Most years the smell of our mill has interrupted the beauty of such a nice day, but this year the mill is closed, and as much as that sucks for all of those who were employees and their families, I am so happy to not have to smell that stench. I can finally go for a walk, or open a window without getting a headache.
The sun has made me feel extremely energized and I'm getting more and more excited for the summer. When I'm free of homework, when there are no more research papers for me to write, I will be out livin' it up in the sun. Haha, here's hoping anyways.

So, I was instructed to create a Summer Bucket List, so here it is, a rough draft of it anyways...

1. Borrowing my dad's truck for a weekend and going on a road trip to Vic and Tofino with my girly
2. Go camping... lots, if possible
3. HIKING
4. Buffy Marathon... it has to happen one day
5. Jogging, working out
6. Go to lakes/beaches/get a tan, haha
7. Write like a crazy person!
8. Take pictures like a crazy person!
9. Go swimming, play frizbee, other random sports with friends :)
10. Hopefully... MEET PEOPLE haha
11. Get a job, find some direction to my life

There it is... I'm sure there's more I wanna do, but this is all I could think of off the top of my head. I really hope that all of these things happen! It would be a fantastic summer if they did.

We Desire Happiness (Work in Progress)

So, I watched the Pursuit of Happiness last night, and I'm guessing that's why I had an urge to write a poem about happiness, which sadly is not what I normally write about. I for some reason find it much easier to focus on the darkness and misery in the world, and I'm not trying to point the finger of blame, but I think the way the media is set up helps. News focuses on disasters and deaths and negatives more than positives. It's a crazy world we live in.

-We Desire Happiness-

People live, search and love for happiness.
To find a fraction of that eternal smile.
Tears of joy don't slip from our shining eyes often enough,
The ache of muscles in our cheeks is always welcome, but never lasts.
We crave the shrieks and squeels of absolute euphoria.
But we have preconceived notions that money can bring it to us,
So we strive and struggle and stress for this,
Following our indoctrinated thoughts, rather than our hearts.
Our hearts beat loud enough to be heard for a reason,
They are there to guide us!
When we find something that we truly love, our hearts jump!
Crying out to us, "Yes! You want this!"
Too often do we turn away, then later wonder why we feel so lost.
There is true happiness in this life,
Powerful and beautiful and individual,
So we, sentient humans, need to discover our passions
And don't stop searching for it until you're happy.

Welcome Blogging People

Welcome to my blog! So, my dad has told me for a long time that I should start a blog, and today, my friend started one for herself and I decided to conform.
I've always been very interested in poetry and I've written poetry since I was quite young, but only in the last three or four years have I found myself actually being proud of some of my work. This blog will be used to show some of my poetry and whatever other random thoughts that I feel merrit being shown to the world.

To start off my poetry theme, here's one that I wrote for my father's birthday and I performed it two days after his fifty second birthday at a poetry slam held by my college english teacher.



-Happy Birthday Daddy-

This year Daddy, you turn fifty-two.
And this poem, is to thank you,
For all of the wonderful things you do
And the wonderful things you are.

This poem is to thank you for always being there
To make sure that your little girl
Is okay.
And Daddy, your little girl is better than okay.

You and mommy have made me
Who I am,
And though I don’t always love myself
I love and thank you both.

But, Daddy, this poem is for you.
To let you know how grateful I am
That you are who you are.
And, Old man, you are one of a kind.

Thank you for your sense of humour,
For your strength and your patience.
These things that are teaching me
How to cope with all the drama of life.

Thank you for telling me you still loved me
When I lost my virginity at far too young an age
And for holding me when you found out that
I’d expressed my regret with a blade in my skin.

Thank you for being comfortable enough with yourself
That you can cry during sad movies and sentimental moments.
And for being mommy’s shoulder to cry on,
On those rare occasions when she breaks down.

Thank you for giving up your partier ways,
Before bringing my brothers and I into this life.
And for never giving up on
Keeping this family afloat.

Thank you for always having
Your arms open for a hug
When my arms
Aren’t enough

Thank you for reading me anthologies of poetry
When I was just a little girl,
And giving me this love of language
Which I’ve used to write this poem.

You, Daddy, are the type of man
That everybody can admire.
You have many sides to you,
But you are never fake.

When I look at you, Daddy,
I smile because I feel blessed.
When I look at you, Daddy,
I smile because I know how lucky I am.

So, on this fifty-second year of your life,
Do not fear your age or think of death,
But rejoice in the knowledge of how loved you are,
And know that you are the most amazing man in your little girl’s world.